If you’ve ever found yourself saying, "I’ve tried everything, and they still won’t listen!", this guide is for you.
Whether your child is melting down in the grocery store, ignoring your requests, or bouncing off the walls at bedtime, you’re not alone—and you’re not failing. Parenting is hard. Parenting strong-willed or neurodiverse kids? That takes a whole different level of grace and strategy.
As a mom of two incredible kids with autism—each with completely different needs—I know how exhausting it can feel when nothing seems to work. But the truth is, kids do want to connect. They just need different keys to unlock that connection. And those keys? They start with understanding.
This guide will help you find them.
1. Your Tone Might Sound Like Charlie Brown’s Teacher
You know the “wah-wah-wah” sound from cartoons? That’s what repeated commands can sound like to kids, especially when they’re already distracted, overstimulated, or simply tired.
Try This:
Say their name first to get their attention. Then pause. Then give a short, clear instruction. Pair it with a visual or gentle cue like a touch on the shoulder.
Example: "Jayden, eyes on me." (pause) "Please put your shoes on."
2. They’re Not Being ‘Bad’—They’re Overwhelmed
What looks like defiance is often a meltdown brewing beneath the surface. Kids don’t always have the words to say “I’m overstimulated” or “That was too much.” They show us instead—through shutdowns, outbursts, or "not listening."
Try This:
Create a calm corner or reset zone in your home. When things escalate, guide them there gently instead of reacting with more volume.
Example: “Let’s take a moment in the calm space and reset before we try again.”
3. They’re Testing Safety, Not Defying You
Kids push back not because they want to battle, but because they need to know the world—and your love—is steady and safe. When emotions get big, they need your calm more than your correction.
Try This:
Mirror their emotion before directing behavior.
Example: “You feel really frustrated right now. That’s okay. I’m here. Let’s take a breath and talk.”
4. They’re Processing Differently Than You Think
Whether neurotypical or neurodiverse, kids don’t always process instructions the way adults expect. Their brains are still learning how to filter, focus, and regulate.
Try This:
Break instructions into smaller chunks. Ask them to repeat back what they heard to check for understanding.
Example: “First, get your shoes. Then your backpack. What did I just ask?”
5. You Might Be Giving Directions When They’re Dysregulated
Timing is everything. If your child is already upset, giving directions might only escalate things further.
Try This:
Regulate first, then redirect.
Example: “Let’s sit together and breathe for a minute. Then we’ll figure out what to do next.”
FROM MY STORY TO YOURS
I created this guide because I’ve been there—many times. My two children, both on the autism spectrum, couldn’t be more different. What works for one absolutely doesn’t work for the other. But through trial, error, and a lot of self-regulation on my end, I discovered that peaceful parenting is possible.
And now? I’m building something bigger. A full course to support parents like you in finding balance, rebuilding connection, and confidently guiding your kids—whether neurodiverse or not.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. I’ve got you.
With love,
Samantha Joubert